Throughout the production of this film I tried when I could to write reflections of my experience. Here is a little that was written in June of 2011, right after the first intensive shooting session with Kenneth at his home in Woodstock, NY. What's most interesting of course is looking back on these words and making note of what was truly seen and not seen at that time. At any given moment we see only what our vision allows - it is often later that we realize just how blind in certain areas we truly were. Nevertheless, aside from their romanticism, these words are a testament to my focus and determination when it came to making an honest film with heart.
June 27, 2011
"How can I explain it with words? When people ask me how shooting went, what do I say? Is there even a way of expressing all of what happened with mere words? I’ll try.
Simply, it was another example of learning by doing, which I have fully encouraged for a number of years now as the most intense, fulfilling, and eye-opening form of learning. Even though Krishnamurti would say that learning is not experiential, as that would be the gathering of knowledge, but occurs only when we are fully present, I would argue for a hybrid version; when I say learning by doing, it is in the “doing” that I am expecting one to be as present as they possibly can be. One can do something without being present. I can press record on the camera but my mind can simultaneously be a year down the road worrying wether or not the shot will work or not.
So my experience was to the fullest extent an example of learning by doing. But it was also an extreme example because I was living with my subject. It was the most emotionally and mentally intense learning experience I’ve ever had, because all who were involved tried to offer 100% of their being in ever moment we shared together.
Ken is a friend, part of the family, a business associate, and also just another subject in one of my films. On the last day right before I left, Ken confessed that never in his 70 years of living and working had he ever experienced a working relationship like the one we had created over the span of two weeks. This is profound. This acknowledgment proves that by being compassionate, truthful, and loving with one another in the arena of making art, not only can great art happen, but people can change and change dramatically for the better.
So in this extreme form of learning by doing, as in the doing was being done by people with honest and loving intentions, the experience not only teaches but it becomes transcendent. This means that although all of the players involved are working towards making a film, the experience becomes far greater than making a film. In fact, the film may even become an afterthought when compared to the tremendously powerful nature of the experience. There is no doubt that the experience influences the work in every way, meaning the positive and what we may see as negative moments all work together to create the art. But when lives are changed, though the art is a part of it, it becomes peripheral and instead a record of what happens when individuals embark on such an immersive experience together. When an experience is truly transcendental, it can have the power to alter human conditioning, to begin the rewiring of old and faulty programing. In this sense, the experience is truly healing and can be unlike any other.
Have I conveyed the experience in words yet? I don’t think I have expressed the full extent of what the above experience means. The experience I had shooting for two weeks in Woodstock is in the specific sense an experience unique to those two weeks, to those involved, to the space where the work was carried out, and in this sense, the experience is impossible to replicate. But in the general sense of the experience, I do not believe it is only achievable by some, rather reachable by all, as long as those involved understand the fullest extent of the commitments needed.
This makes me think of all those around the world at any given moment who are engaging in a collaborative experience with others. The experience is not limited to art, but open to anything and everything we humans can think up. This is precisely because the nature of the experience is not determined by the end goal, but instead by those individuals involved and their intentions.
I am not speaking of an unreachable or even unrealistic way of being. I am simply speaking of what can be achieved when everyone involved understands a few basic principals: That they are not and never the center of the experience, rather a necessary part of the whole. That fear is useless, and only when trust is mutual will the real work have the freedom to blossom. That letting the ego take control can be potentially deadly to the individual and the group as a whole, for as we know, one rotten egg can easily and quickly ruin the group. I am not saying the ego should be crushed, but it should be observed cautiously and respectively. The ego is usually a large part of an individual’s drive for success, and success is not a bad thing. But when this becomes a priority, or rather an expectation, it will blind those from doing the real work. And lastly that the work, which is a product of the whole, needs its freedom, and thus no great expectations should be placed on it either.
I understand that it is impossible for me to witness all of the millions of collaborations that are going on at any given moment in time. And I understand that many collaborations are already succeeding because all those involved already understand some or all of what I am writing here.
But I am also aware of many collaborations, many experiences, many meetings of the minds that do not succeed, or even if they do, they do not reach their fullest potential. This means that those involved might not get as much out of the experience as they could: They don’t learn as much as they could, or they realize the experience has passed them by without giving them much notice. It is for these experiences and these individuals that I write this now, because I know that a fuller and more loving experience is just around the corner even if no one knows it exists.
I worry that I’ve gotten a little too abstract with the writing here. But I fear that just saying, “Be loving,” doesn’t quite explain it all either. What is most important to understand is that this experience I speak of is attainable by all, you just need to open up your heart, surrender yourself, give all of yourself over to the other(s), be honest with yourself and those you are working with, and expect nothing.
You can guarantee a few things: Shit will happen, your plan will fall through in some way or another, wonderful things will happen that you could have never planned for, and you might feel at one point or another like all is lost. But the good work can only be achieved with a little or a great deal of hardship. Nothing great is ever achieved easily, and I suppose it is up to you to arrive at what your definition of “great” is.
You must lose yourself to find yourself. Throw away what you knew to be true and you just might discover a little glimmer of absolute, transcendent, beautiful truth."